As far as I can tell, anyway.
love the shout-out to beeb! also, even the things you were trying to emulate you made your own with your vision of how it fit you. see: hair colors of the mid-90s... :)
Like it or not, we’re all dealing with imposter syndrome to one degree or another. It never goes away, hides sometimes, but we know damn well it’s always lurking. It’s the thing we’re always trying to outrun, if we care enough or have the energy to take in a challenge that a part of us says, nah, it’s easier to sit this one out. But those who sit it out and never fail at something don’t get the satisfaction of the hard-won small victories that grow larger and keep us going toward the next oh-shit-do-I-really-want-to-do-this?
I thought that with enough experience, I would stop imitating, but now I just do it in a more effective way. Last year I read Leslie Jamison's The Recovering, about her alcoholism and the end of very long tough relationship -- and then I sat down and wrote something pondering and sensitive about dissolution of my own relationship. I got addicted to reading What I Spend in a Week pieces from Refinery29, and then I wrote my own overly meticulous but jokey accounts of my own weekly habits. I was sad Grimes stopped making good music, then I wrote a short story that was meant to be a Grimes song.
When I look back on my oldest Tumblr pieces I cringe a bit at the transparent attempts to mimic John Barth or David Foster Wallace, but I'm sure glad I got in the practice. And to this day, my favorite way to break out of a rut is to read something good and steal a bit from it.